Finding Her Broken...

A dream that visits me often without invitation is a moment where I find myself in front of a large stone.  I begin to  carve a woman.  She is perfect to me and becomes even more so because she is my creation.  As I carve, an imperfection shows itself.  A small crack that becomes more and more evident, the deeper I dig.  A fissure within the stone, a crack that was buried deep within.  It frustrates me and entices me, and continues to draw me deeper.  I work with the fissure and find a woman, although imperfect, absolutely beautiful and without fault.  I wonder if I created her or she created me.  I carve on…

This imperfection finds itself within her jaw and works it way behind her ear as I  continue on.  I constantly step away and notice that this fissure adds depth and a color to her face that I could only hope for, or dream of.  A color that separates itself from the rest of the stone…a color that begs for me to chip away and search for more.

The Texas air assaults her without restraint.  I can’t move her for fear of damaging her further.  If I attempt it, it’s over, she falls to pieces.  Alas, I’ve chipped too much away, I've dug too deep.  The heat of the day makes the stone expand and the crack gets bigger.  The humidity leaves her moist and with a sheen that makes her radiant, and enticingly smooth.  The fault in her keeps me awake and haunts me as I dare not sleep.  I’m afraid that I might wake to find her in pieces.  I don't want to find her broken.

Eventually I will find her in pieces as I was never meant to create something that wasn’t there.  There was a perfect stone that I changed.  Did this beautiful girl fall apart on her own,  or is it that I dug into her with reckless abandon?  An attempt to find her inner beauty, or my version of that. I tried to make her something she never was.  The crack was deep and buried; I brought it to the surface, and attached a face to it. 

 I touch the stone that is her, and I will not sleep.  I don’t want to awaken and find her in pieces.  I will sit and wait, and enjoy her while I can, as long as she lasts.  Eventually falling into pieces myself, as I was never meant to be whole or complete.  In the end I'm finding myself broken...

Matt Greer